her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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