His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
