If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize