Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
