I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
