so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize