the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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