my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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