I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your penis caused this!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
