There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
