i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
