no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
