just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
