Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
