It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
