dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They should really pass out barf bags in church
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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