OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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