shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
