we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
