Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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