Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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