When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
