True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
