Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
