I am in a vortex of obligation.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
