Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
