Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
