Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize