I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
