i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize