maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
