she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
