apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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