I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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