just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
