'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
