why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
