Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
