If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
