I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
