Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
