I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everyone says I win the strip club
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
