I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
