once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
