pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
