i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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