it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
