If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
