I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
