Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
