the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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