I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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