You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
