Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
