two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
