her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
