he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
