don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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