Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
