you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
