Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
