Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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