If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
