anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
