two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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