Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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