I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
