okay pat passed out under dana's car
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
